How Many Riders Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Found this little article which I thought was quite accurate

How Many Riders Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do you mind, I’m trying to get my horse’s pulse / respiration / hydration levels to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.

DRESSAGE QUEEN: Me! Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn’t possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself.The very thought!

CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These things can not be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.

EVENTER: Hmm, as soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large stone wall (whilst riding Hell For Leather cross country) I’ll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It will put hair on your chest. Only prissy Dressage Queens require lights, anyway.

SHOW JUMPER: Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my ass. Spectators are practically blinded when I am competing.

NATURAL HORSEMAN You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using “light bulb dynamics” (video available at £99.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented “light bulb coaxer” designed by me – £99.00 each, for extra £49.99 you get video thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs should.

FOX HUNTER If you laid out all your kit the night before the hunt, you wouldn’t need to worry about the light bulb — you’d be on your way… Forget the light bulbs- got no time to worry about light bulbs – HOUNDS ARE RUNNING! Load in the dark (in August) unload in the dark (in December) Whats the big deal? (but please don’t forget the Hip Flask and Mars bar!)

YARD GROOMS Do I have to do everything??!! Oh Yeah, I do, don’t I? I’ll get to it as soon as I’m done mucking out the stables, sweeping the yard, filling the haynets, filling the water buckets, making up the feeds, grooming, picking up the droppings, sweeping the yard, cleaning the tack, excercising, turning out, fetching in, changing the rugs, mending the fencing and whatever else needs to be done.

INSTRUCTOR Someone better change the light bulb. In these days of litigation I am not teaching without a light bulb. Of course I will change the light bulb myself for my hourly freelance rate

 

 

 

Posted on Saturday, December 8th, 2007 at 1:57 am You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.