Double Meanings

What the advert really means:-

Event Prospect:- Big, fast horse
Dressage Prospect:- Big, slow horse
Pleasure Prospect:- Pretty color
Sporting Prospect:- Short, fast horse
Barrel Prospect:- Fast horse which can turn
Endurance Prospect:- Fast horse which will turn sometimes
Show Jumper Prospect:- Fashion icon
Hunted in Ireland:- kamikaze (suicide mission)
Fun for all the family:- All the family laugh their socks off while each member trys to stay on
Jumps small fences:- Doesn’t jump big fences
Jumps Coloured Poles:- Doesn’t Jump Fillers
Been Cross Country:- Went for miles before he could be stopped
Good at lateral work:- Spooks at everything
Ideal Lead rein pony:- Don’t ever take it off Good all rounder:- Not particularaly good at anything Flashy:- White sock
15′2″ hh:- 14′3″ hh
16′2″ hh:- 15′3″ hh
Big trot:- Can’t canter
Nicely Started:- Lunges, but we don’t have enough insurance to ride him yet
Bold:- Runaway
Good Mover:- Runaway
Atheletic:- Runaway
Quiet:- Lame in both front legs
Dead Quiet:- Lame in all four legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof):- Lame all around, deaf, and blind
Pony type:- Small and hairy
Arab Type:- Looks startled
Thoroughbred Type:- Looks terrified
Cob Type:- Fat
Easy to catch:- Dead
Elegant:- Thin
Well-Mannered:- Hasn’t stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a week
Professionally Trained:- Hasn’t stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a month
For sale as no jockey – he’s killed everyone we’ve put on his back
Cribs occasionally - cribs in the stable, in the field, when tied up, and sometimes even when being ridden
No time to do justice – and no death wish, either!
Not novice ride – velcro bums only need apply
Loves children – but couldn’t eat a whole one
Should Mature 16 hands :- Currently 14 hands, dam is 14′2, sire is 14′3, every horse in his pedigree back 18 generations is under 15 hands, but this horse will defy his DNA and grow.
To Loving Home Only:- Expensive
To Show Home Only:- Very Expensive
To Good Home Only :- Not really for sale unless you can 1) Pay twice what he is worth 2) are willing to sign a 8 page legal document allowing current owner to tuck in bed every night
For Sale Due to lack of Time:- Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in the hospital
Any Vet Check Welcome:- Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!
Recently Vetted:- Someone else found something really wrong with this horse.
Must Sell:- Weekly running costs of horse has sent us into voluntary liquidation
All Offers Considered:- Desperate to get rid
Will consider loan:- Very Desperate to get rid

Posted on Sunday, August 26th, 2007 at 2:53 pm You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.